


They're Not You

by rhodrymavelyne



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:41:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21634564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhodrymavelyne/pseuds/rhodrymavelyne
Summary: Hannibal Lecter finds himself talking to Will Graham in his head while he settles into his new life in Florence, acutely aware of the Will-shaped hole in that life.
Relationships: Anthony Dimmond/Hannibal Lecter, Bedelia Du Maurier/Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	They're Not You

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during that first episode of the third season in Florence where Hannibal is adjusting to his new life. I don’t own Hannibal but for the past few months, it has owned me. No, I’m not obsessed with this particular theme. Not at all. :)

Anthony Dimmond gazes at me with bold eyes, broadcasting his interest. Quick, easy, and available. There’s no coyness, no shy dance of hazel eyes, darting around, only to fix themselves with a Reni martyr’s tranquility elsewhere before returning to me. I didn’t get to see them slowly fill with my image, reflecting me back with brave, wounded tenderness. 

Not every young man is you, Will. I’m confronted with this every single day in this new life as Dr. Fell. 

It was unfair to look for you in others. As a psychiatrist and a man, I’m only too aware that each person was unique. To see other people, to bask in long-neglected senses and interests was one of the reasons I came to Florence. I couldn’t have waltzed across a dance floor with you as I did with Bedelia. What a tempting thought, to whirl you around in front of all the stuffy socialites, boldly showing you off. If anyone complained, I would have eaten them. Talk about disturbing the peace. I told Bedelia I wished to protect it, but perhaps I was only humouring her, placating her by showing there was more to me than the wild beast she’d chosen to study out in the open. 

I’m curious about that beast, too, but I really wanted to know how he would have behaved with you at his side. It wouldn’t have been the same as it is with Bedelia. You would have avoided waltzes as you once avoided my dinner parties. Well, to be fair, Bedelia avoided those parties, too. She remains more than happy to dance with me in this new environment, to play the role of my wife, to distract me from my broken heart. 

I need the distraction, Will. I’ve tried to stop thinking about you. Every time I see a slender, dark-haired young man on the street, at a party, I find my heart races. Only to to have him slow down and turn around, revealing a face that isn’t yours. 

There are a lot of slender, dark-haired pretty young men in Florence, whom I might mistake for you when their backs are turned. Many of them might be quite tasty. Perhaps I should buy one of these ragazzi. Perhaps I should take him home and…express all of the heartbreak I’m feeling for you. 

I find myself recalling our first meeting, the way you ducked your head, confessing that your thoughts were not quite tasty enough. Always the tease, even from the very beginning. 

All I have to do was shut my eyes and I’m with you. Seeing you in Jack’s office, fragile, delicate, yet prickly with defensiveness. The image shifts to you bleeding on the floor amidst the wreckage of my former life. 

Much of that wreckage had been people. Abigail, Jack, Alana, and above everyone else, you. 

I keep telling myself to give the new life another chance. I murmur this instruction to myself under my breath like an ancient spell or a mantra. I have everything I’ve ever wanted in Florence; a beautiful home, a job where I can put my other talents to use, a beautiful companion I’ve been intimate with for some time. All of the company I could ever want is at Dr. Fell’s disposal. If my new companions disappoint me, well, they may prove more stimulating upon the dinner table in other ways. 

Only I don’t have the one thing I truly want, the companion whose presence I crave like a flower straining for the sunlight. I don’t have you, Will. My new life keeps renewing my awareness of this in a number of ways. I smile, I talk, only to find myself recalling one of our final conversations, where I revealed to you a little of my mind palace. The light from your eyes shine like a beacon, beckoning me to Palermo, luring me to a reunion which feels like destiny. 

My beautiful, treacherous Will, just how many times have you broken my heart since you claimed it? Only I can’t truly accuse you of treachery. Your heart was never untrue, only divided. Your seduction was too heartfelt. You couldn’t have lied to me, not completely. Ever your lover as much as your psychiatrist, I was far too attuned to every change in your face, too attentive to your every movement and gesture. No, I must have claimed some part of you. Ever the martyr, you were more than willing to offer yourself in order to catch me. In doing so, I caught you. 

I’m not letting you go, Will. I’ve spent too much time and effort upon shaping you, molding you, and now I can’t forget you. 

You’ll come to me. I must show you what I feel, to offer you an equally earnest expression of devotion to the teasing, elusive promise in your eyes. 

Anthony chatters on, not noticing my abstraction. I’m listening, taking in every word, without absorbing any of it. 

He’s not you, my beloved. Perhaps it was unfair to be so angry with Anthony for not being you. It’s certainly unfair getting angry with Bedelia, who accompanied me into a world you turned your back on. Not that I would ever mistake Bedelia for you. Only she keeps saying things which trigger old memories. She boasts of enjoying a day of conscious control of her actions and all of a sudden, I’m back in Baltimore with you. I see tears gathering in your eyes, hear you murmuring that every moment of clarity under my care is a personal victory for you. That vision brings a torrent of others, moments when you were so close, yet so distant. You’d turn your head, teasing me with the promise of a little more proximity, if I was bold enough to approach. 

You’ve been teasing me for a long time, Will. Or perhaps you’re continuing to fish for me, offering yourself as bait. 

I think it’s time to bait you for a change. To dangle a valentine in front of you that only I can offer. That beautiful, chaotic imagination of yours will do the rest.

**Author's Note:**

> The recollection of Will, Will saying his thoughts aren't tasty are from the pilot. The memory of the wreckage of Hannibal's home is from the season season finale.


End file.
